i dont know where all those stupid entries about that asshole "tepper" went, but i hope theyre gone. i hate that dickhead. hes a douche. i honestly am way past the point where i care at all. i just had to mention that its completely over, and has been for a while.

i'm with someone much, much, muchmdfjikldaejrkel;a j so much better than that rat could ever dream of being. he does everything for me. he loves me, more than anyone else has ever loved me and more than i could have ever realistically hoped for. and i love him as much as he loves me. but he came to me, defying and surpassing my expectations of men. and while i try, i really do try, to please him and make him feel the way he makes me feel, i dont think i do as good of a job as he does. when i do something wrong that upsets him i feel horrible. like ive scuffed the most precious leather or gem a person could own. i want to make him happy. i want to do things for him that impress him. i want to surprise him. i want the ability to remember and follow up with everything he requests from me. but i'm not perfect. i try really hard, but i dont think he thinks i do. its not easy to express my every good intention gone wrong, my every flaw or mistake that comes as a result of lack of attention paid to detail. they may even come from clouded judgement due to various stimuli, such as externally induced stress or even drugs.  but overall, i think i try pretty hard. i keep disappointing him. i keep doing the wrong things. and i dont know how to fix myself. even while i try...in my opinion its pretty hard...im not doing a good job.

regardless..our relationship is great. and we love each other.